Michael Lawrence Dwiggins
That Last Thing (stream of consciousness)

    that last thing I thought about before I went to sleep last night
was the nearness of death, the steady progression of disease in
spite of all the advances of western medicine, the utilization of 
ancient treatments, the futile power of prayer, the use of visualization 
techniques so in vogue now, the biofeedback model, the use of
psychotherapy, the exploration of dream and psyche-beyond all
attempts to stem the course of this disease-beyond the sheer
power of my will-beyond the awesome effort of my consciousness-
beyond the world of my best intentions-just beyond-just there-not
so far-not as far as I wish it to be-just there-that edge of darkness-
that which all my powers cannot seem to hold at bay-that thin edge
of darkness-behind which is concealed a world of proportions so
large I cannot comprehend it-within which reigns beings so fearful
that the sight of them can kill me-a darkness so dense and 
impenetrable that to just graze against it will suck you in in your
entirety-a world that exists not to be known-a world that beckons me
and yet I fear seeks to drain each drop of life from me-this darkness is
right over there-can you see it?  I can-there-just there-the sight of it
paralyzes me-with fear-with the cold knowledge that i cannot know it
until I am in it-until I am it-and then it is too late-then I am no longer
on the edge as it inches ever closer-then I am consumed by it-an I
become the darkness-this is the last thing I thought about last night-
and it is the first thing the light of morning brought to me today-and it 
is the thought that is just around the next corner-just behind the
door-lurking out of the corners of my seeing-just there-each day-
all day-playing cat-and-mouse with me-with my feelings-with my 
knowing-with my peace-feeding my fear-howling in my ears-
pounding-pounding-pounding in my heart-just there-just out of
reach-yet always creeping toward me